The Horse Lady was sitting on her bed, reading a book on horses when her telephone rang.  She groaned loudly and answered the phone.
    “Hello?” she asked.  It was the secretary to the editor of America’s tackiest fashion magazine.  They wanted her to be on the cover of their ‘Equestrian Cool’ issue.
    “Hello, ma’am, Janice told me to tell you that the photo session is next week at four in the afternoon.  Is your place okay?” the secretary asked.  Horse Lady told her that yes, it was, and promptly hung up on the secretary, who, all the way in New York City, called her a bitch—once Horse Lady had safely hung up the phone, of course.
    That next week, the photographers for the magazine—called La Face, a total rip-off of La Face records, but the owner/founder didn’t care—showed up on the large porch of Horse Lady’s sprawling estate.  Horse Lady’s butler showed them to the backyard, where Horse Lady was having her hair done.
    The stylist dressed her up to the nines.  Her look consisted of bizarre beehive hairdo four inches high; super tight, super sparkly evening dresses, lots of makeup (which made her look like a deranged clown) and drawn on eyebrows cos Horse Lady had plucked hers into oblivion (which were now a few blond wisps).
    Horse Lady’s love slave, who we’ll call Snuffalapagus (Snuffy for short) was dragging an expensive velvet couch for Horse Lady to pose with.  He was also a member of the secret society, and was called Snuffy because the others felt he had resembled the Sesame Street character of the same name.  Horse Lady ran over to the couch and spread her scrawny figure onto it, trying to look like a sultry starlet and failing miserably.  The photographers and stylists tried not to laugh.
    “Do I look sexy to you boys?”  She drawled.
    “You look right saucy, darling!”  Snuffy replied.
    Snuffy looked appreciatively at his wife (more like his master), who was wearing a strapless blue dress, of which had a truly hideous plaid pattern.  She had a major cleavage thing going on, and was milking it for all it was worth, sprawled out like that on her couch.  Her hair was swept up into a truly bizarre sideways beehive.  The photographer looked at the stylist, not knowing what to say.
    “You, um, look fine ma’am,” he finally said.  Click.  The saucy photo session went on.
    After several hours of putting up with Horse Lady and Snuffy’s massive PDA, the session was finished.  The pictures were sent to the layout artists and the issue was published several months after that.
    While the Scouts were at London, the June issue of La Face hit the newsstands, with a cleavage baring Horse Lady on the cover.  It was the plaid-blue-dress-on-a-couch shot.
    Raye, Mina, and Serena read La Face every month, and when they found out the British edition of the magazine came out, they rushed out to get it.  The girls went to the bookseller two blocks from the Doe residence.  They ran inside and snatched up the ‘Equestrian Cool’ issue.
    “Look at this!  ‘Equestrian Cool’?  What does that mean?”  Raye wondered.  Serena giggled.
    “Look at their cover model.  Jeez, she’s hideous.  ‘Equestrienne of royal proportions.’ It’s on page forty-two!” Serena said.  Raye flipped to the forty-second page and the three gawked at Horse Lady in all her glory.
    “It’s a fashion spread.  Oh my god!  She looks nice in the jodhpurs, but that plaid blue dress has got to go!” Mina said.  Raye sniffed.
    “Not to mention that hideous beehive hairdo.  Just look at that cleavage!  You can tell she's wearing a Wonderbra.”  Raye said.  She flipped the page.  Next was a picture of Horse Lady dressed as a cowgirl.  On her hat was a tiara a la Madonna.      She had a lasso fixed on the neck of a person who looked homeless.  The caption read, “Rounding up the Bad Guys.”
    The girls paid no attention to these strange details.  They were looking at Horse Lady’s cowgirl outfit.  The three girls burst out into laughter.  Several passerby’s, including the girl at the checkout counter stared at them.
    “Oh my GOD!  Look at this lady!  That shirt is positively hideous!  Bubblegum pink and canary yellow do not mix.” Raye giggled.
    “Man, what was she thinking?  She looks totally ridiculous!”  Serena said, doubling over with laughter.  Mina looked around the bookseller, suddenly embarrassed at her friends’ catty behavior.  This seemed out of character for them—well, for Serena at least.  She glanced back at the magazine and forgot these thoughts.
    “She should’ve dressed up as a horse, not a cowgirl!” Serena cracked, and the girls laughed even harder.
    Just their luck—Horse Lady had spent her day running errands, and had decided to stop by the bookseller on her way to her daughter’s house.  She wanted to see if the latest issue of La Face had come out yet.  She didn’t read such tawdry periodicals, but this month it was her mug adorning the cover, and she had wanted to see how it looked.
    She stepped in and walked to the magazine stand just as the girls were shrieking with laughter over her photo spread.  She walked up to them just as they were turning to page forty-five, curious as to what they were laughing at.
    “Ohmigod!  She’s humping the pillar!  Oh my god!” Raye howled.
    It was the shot of Horse Lady wearing the blue plaid dress, er, standing next to a pillar in a provocative way.  Several well-dressed men were standing around her.  To the left of the shot, a lesser-dressed woman was standing, looking sad and left out.  Serena, Raye, and Mina paid no attention to that part of the picture, obviously.
    “This woman is a total freak!  Look at this other picture, on page forty-four.  Yeesh, that catsuit is frightening.  The horse is pretty, though.”  Mina pointed to a picture of Horse Lady wearing a red leather catsuit a la Britney Spears.  She was sitting on a horse, looking like Xena ready to do battle.  In her hand was a sword, and she was wielding it towards a group of poor people scattered around her horse.  Once again, this aspect of the picture went unnoticed by our heroines.
    “The horse looks embarrassed to be in the same picture with her!”  Raye cracked.  The girls shrieked with laughter.
Meanwhile, Her Horsiness was standing behind them, smoldering with rage.  They were making fun of her pictures!  She had expected them to be indignant about the anti-commoner propaganda—not to make fun of her pictures!  Serena turned to the best picture yet.  For a moment the girls were silent, shocked at the next photo.
    It was Horse Lady and her love slave/husband Snuffy, sitting on a horse.  It looked like the cover of those western love novels, only, for some reason, the couple were dressed as Tarzan and Jane.  They were making out in a major way, and lots of people dressed in rags (the couple was in rich tiger fur) were bringing the couple perfumes, flowers, and wine.
    “Oh my god…this woman is a total-first-class-grade-A HO!”  Serena shouted.  More passerby’s turned to stare.
    “You guys, half of this photo spread has nothing to do with horses.  I don’t get this!”  Mina wondered.
    “I’m gonna buy this.  This issue is the funniest ever!” Raye said.  Raye closed La Face and the girls turned around to walk to the counter.  Instead they bumped into a furious Horse Lady.
    “How DARE you poke fun at me!  Just who do you scurrilous, snot-faced Yank brats think you are?”  Horse Lady hollered.  Now people stopped to turn and stare.  There was nothing but dead silence.
    Then Serena gasped.
     “Raye, Mina—that’s the lady on La Face!  She’s the equestrienne!”  She hissed.  Raye looked at the magazine and then at Horse Lady.
     “Wow—you’re right.  Ahem—I’m sorry if we offended you, but it is our opinion, and we’re entitled to an opinion.” Raye said.  Mina nodded.  “We’re going to take this and then we’re leaving.  Goodbye,” she continued.  The girls brushed past her and walked up to the pay counter.  The girl behind the cash register was wide-eyed and scared.
     “Do you know who you just insulted?” she whispered.
     “No, and I don’t care.” Raye said.  She took the change and the three left, leaving Horse Lady to seethe in silence.

     Several days later Amy was compiling a letter to the editor of La Face magazine on behalf of all five of the Scouts.  It read:

    “Dear Janice,

     We found your ‘Equestrian Cool’ issue highly entertaining.  We just had one complaint: the lady on the cover.  Her photo spread had nothing to do with horses at all.  Furthermore, we found it bizarre and disturbing.  The anti-middle/lower class propaganda was most atrocious.  And all that cleavage on a woman old enough to be our mother—or even grandmother!  How embarrassing this must be for her children!

     Sincerely,

     The Sailor Scouts”

    Amy stood up from her desk in the attic and went downstairs and into the backyard where Serena, Raye, and Mina were showing the Tarzan-and-Jane-on-a-horse picture to Lita and the cats, Luna and Artemis.  All three seemed to be expiring with laughter.
     “I finished the letter.  It’s short and to the point”  Amy held up the letter, waiting for a response.
     “Okay, read it to us.”  Lita said, once she regained her breath.  Amy read the letter to them.  When she was finished, the girls cheered.
     “They’ll definitely publish it!  I think that letter is wonderful,” Raye said approvingly.  Amy beamed.
     “I’m glad you liked it.  I’m going to send it off,” she said.
     “You know, we have to wait a month to see if it’s published…I can’t wait that long!” Serena whined.
     “Actually, we’d wait two months—but if it’s really good, they’ll put it in the editorial section of their web site.  I think the letter’s good enough to go on the site.” Mina said.
     “Let’s hope so.  I’m going to mail this now.  I’ll be right back.” Amy walked back into the house to find an envelope.
     “I can’t believe you guys read this magazine.  It’s superficial.  It’s as if it’s saying that rich people are the only people that matter.” Lita said.
     “I only read it for the beauty tips.  This month’s issue provided lots of laughs, with that hideous equestrienne.  Tarzan and Jane—on a horse?  Come on—it was funny.  But you do raise a good point on the anti-poor and middle class propaganda.  La Face isn’t always like that, though—just with that horrid cover model.” Raye said.  The girls nodded and started to discuss the propaganda in the pictures, wondering if it had anything to do with the society.

     The anti-commoner propaganda in La Face worked—more and more well off people joined the secret society.  Horse Lady had been rewarded with the latest laptop.
     Several days later Horse Lady found the Scouts’ letter on La Face’s website.  Amy had sent it on first class overnight express mail.  The Scouts had each chipped in for the steep price.
     Horse Lady was even more furious, despite her success.  She had complained to Princess Candy Floss, who didn’t care, and to Snuffy, her love slave/husband.  Snuffy had understood, and sympathized with her.
     Horse Lady read the letter over and over again—each time feeling more and more homicidal.  After awhile she flung the laptop across the room (miraculously, it didn’t break), seething with fury.
     “Nobody calls me an embarrassment and gets away with it.  Those bloody Sailor Scouts will pay…” she growled.

Serena:  Whew—what an interesting episode.  Luna, we didn’t transform at all—for the second time!
Luna:  This makes things more interesting.
Serena:  Well, anyway—we apologize for our catty behavior.  Don’t make fun of someone, no matter how ridiculous they look—right Luna?
Luna:  *laughs in a feline way*
Serena:  You hypocrite!  You TOLD me that making fun of people is bad—and here you are, laughing at Horse Lady!
Luna:  Frightfully sorry, Serena.
*Raye butts in, making weird horse noises, emulating Horse Lady*
Raye:  (in an exaggerated British accent) I am the most magnificent equestrienne—worship me now!
Serena:  We also apologize for our un-lady-like language.  The words “ho” and “humping” are bad words and should never ever be uttered by civilized people like you.
Luna:  Not to mention the word “bitch.”
Serena:  Oh, right.  Umm…be nice to people…Sailor Moon Says!

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